


Red

by miichiyo



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Homestuck - Freeform, arakat, karadia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-15 23:49:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/855384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miichiyo/pseuds/miichiyo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"She wasn't perfect, but I loved her, you know? I would kill everyone here to bring her back. Anyway, good luck." - ASW</p>
            </blockquote>





	Red

She had a vague memory of how they first met; the smell of cocoa beans, a hazy conversation, and most clearly his eyes. A ravenous scarlet, with dark shaded bags as accessories, but it was not the appearance of his eyes that was so capturing. Instead, it was the clouded look in them, obscuring his thoughts. It was a small wonder that he decided to break eye contact, uncomfortable as it was to have curious eyes locked on and prying. Their mutual friend picked up on it quickly enough, unsurprised by Aradia's behavior, and introduced them to lighten the tension. A stiff conversation through which little communication passed through, so they each went their separate ways, but not before the girl had extended her hand.

"It was nice to meet you, Karkat." He'd only glanced at her invitation to friendship and put his own hands in his pockets, hoping not to offend, but to send a message all the same. No offense was taken, so she just smiled, the best ward to all bad things. "See you soon!" Vantas nodded and the slightest, tight lipped smile flashed at her before he turned towards opposite exit of the coffee shop.  


The next time they met it was not so awkward, but she continued to hold her odd interest in him, staring at him for indecently long amounts of time, unaware of how unnerving her wide smile was. She really did have a lot of teeth. Aradia wanted so badly to see his smile, as if it unlocked a secret, and she would be satisfied just for a little. It was a history course they'd both been required to enroll into, and she chose to sit by him not only because he harbored the only familiar face, but he was intriguing to top it off. He uncomfortably tolerated it, and after he found she was a good asset for passing the class, he began to comfortably tolerate it, if not enjoy it.  


She enjoyed his company thoroughly, especially his brusque and amusing comments, as occasional as any word to her was, or helping him when he was frustrated, but her favorite was to grin at him during presentations and put him at ease. After the semester they only saw each other on campus, and every once in a while would connect on Trollian, usually in group chats. Karkat didn't ever seem to have much of a desire to speak with her directly, but that was okay.

CG: MAN, SHE'S JUST SO FUCKING SPOOKY.  
CG: I CAN'T TALK TO HER.  
TA: then dont iit2 not that biig a fuckiing deal

Then Summer rolled around, and it rolled quickly, wrapping them all up in a sweet heat and saltiest of loves. Their group of friends spent plenty of time together, and gradually Aradia prodded at Karkat, and prodded and prodded over again until he would willingly hold eye contact for more than three seconds. Get togethers in the park, or big group dates at restaurants, any way that the group got together seemed good, and they all grew closer. Even Karkat grew warmer to her. It was at a party that she'd seen him truly laugh. Whose house? Whose party? It didn't matter.

The music swelled and throbbed through the house, and Aradia laughed as she stumbled into the garage, to take a break and catch a breath, and there she met those hungry eyes again. "Karkat, hello!"  
"Hey," he replied, forcing a fleeting smile. He promptly returned to staring at the beer in his hand. "Having fun?" Conversational courtesies, he may as well keep them up.  
"Oh yes! It's nice to simply let loose with good friends, don't you agree?" Megido inquired brightly, reaching for another fruity drink.  
"Yeah."

He didn't seem well, so she left him to be alone, sensing that was probably what he wanted. It was in the later hours of the night she took action. The night grew older, or younger depending on your level of optimism, but all that mattered was the moon moved across the sky, in whatever direction it did. The pumping music continued on, energizing the dancing youths, and encouraging the game of spin the bottle. Now usually the girl would attest to it, but it was an exception, and it was a night to be a little adventurous! So she sat and willingly participated, laughing, and cheering along with the others. It wasn't until Terezi and Vriska exchanged a smooch that Aradia noticed Karkat's facial expression, or him at all, standing and watching with a few others of their friends. Kindly, she excused herself from the circle, and found a spot beside him against the wall. She said nothing, as was customary between them, but she was concerned. His expression wasn't of disgust, but had a tinge of worry.

"You alright?" she pried loudly over the music grinning, and he side glanced at her.  
"This is fucking disgusting, I feel so sick." The girl had spent enough hours observing him and his manner of speech that she picked on the fact he wasn't disgusted, he simply felt none too good.  
"Do you drink often?" The words came as her fingers wrapped around his, leading him to slip through the front door with her, into the night. It was dark as pitch, barely any moonlight cast on them as clouds obscured the moon, but the street's lighting was sufficient for them to find their step.  
"No," Karkat admitted in his rough tone.  
"That's interesting, considering our dads! Big mobster guys, and neither of us drink!" A small chortle rolled from her lips, soft like dandelion fluff.  
"You're Droog's little princess?" Aradia nodded affirmation to the question.

Neither of them spoke for a little while after, the only sound between them was the steps of their feet against the concrete, and the far off whizzing of cars passing by. The silence breathed, and for a long time it breathed. Their footsteps eventually dulled, reaching lush green grass in a quaint little park scene. A few trees scattered here and about, a bench here or there. But Aradia chose neither, seating them in the dim shadow of a tree, shadow only present due to the lamp nearby. After a reluctant thought, he sat too, and she finally let his fingers slip from her grasp. While she leaned back on her arms her eyes found the moon, and Karkat watched her, unsure of what to do. Her eyes were away from him and suddenly he felt it was too unfamiliar. After a couple minutes passed she saw him ease up, crossing his legs and picking at the grass by his feet. His cheeks were flushed, as was his whole face. No doubt from the alcohol, but also considering the fact he'd worn a sweater to a party. A grin of amusement from her, unnoticed by him. Unruly dark hair, she examined, like her own. Only his was darker, and she would bet on her mother's grave it was easier to brush. At that thought she shuddered at the mess hers would be in the morning. His eyes didn't look angry like she always saw them, simply tired now, nothing else.

"Sollux tells me you like to watch movies!"  
"Yeah, I'm a fan of good cinema," he tried carefully, raising an eyebrow at her.  
Settling down in the grass on her back, Aradia's hands pulled her hair over her shoulder to untangle it. "He mentioned Adam Sandler," the girl giggled teasingly.  
"You know what, he's a good fucking actor and that douche can say anything he wants."  
"I don't watch a lot of movies, but whoever plays Indiana Jones is my next favorite."  
"I should've guessed. Archaeology, dead things, playing in the dirt. He's probably your idol." The tone of his wasn't too kind, but she still grinned.  
"What do you like to do for fun? Other than gripe and moan about how bad everything is?" It was all in good nature.  
"For your information I like to whine too, and overall be a useless piece of shit." The reply was swift, like it was always on his mind.

The night carried on like this for a long while, as they rested in the grass, teasing each other, Aradia laughing, and Karkat even mustering up an amused smile or too. He seemed so unnatural, but easily relaxed just like in the grass. His muscles had been so stiff before, and his speech so tense, but like this, intoxicated and out of the usual state it was so much easier to communicate with the girl whose smile seemed to follow you everywhere. But it was a moment to cherish when she'd finally heard him laugh. Promptly of course, but better than nothing, and she beamed bright as the moon. He'd been too entranced with the stars to notice. And the happiness died down again as they began to talk about family life. They did have a lot in common, Aradia noticed, but either her father treated her much better or she was just more positive about it. Yes, it was true their fathers were gone often. Well, more than they were home. But Aradia adored it when her father got home, because she was showered in gifts and little treats, or if there was nothing like that he'd take them out to dinner before he had to leave again. Spades Slick seemed much colder and harsher. Considering that, it came to her as no surprise that Karkat was his son. Later, their conversation began to drift, to deeper things. The smile didn't come as easy to her, and she listened with care to each tone and emotion in each of Karkat's words.

"Alcohol and sadness make for a great truth serum," she said. After a moment, Aradia admitted something of her own. "I get scared sometimes too. But mostly when I think too much, so I try not to let myself think. I try to spend time with my friends and exchange good laughs before I can't anymore." Karkat still wouldn't look at her during this, twiddling his thumbs and staring up as if to pretend he could just disappear. "What are you afraid of?" He said nothing for agonizing moments as she waited, and Aradia was concerned she hadn't scared him away for good. But if he wasn't heading for the hills by now, she may as well say it. "Can I tell you something I haven't told anyone?" she whispered. Now he looked interested, though exhausted all the same. Exhausted by worries and thoughts that burdened him day in and day out, that relentlessly kept him from sleep and filled his mind with hateful words. "I don't think I'm going to live very long."  
At this he shot up. "That's not fucking fair, don't even say that!" But before he could start on a drunken ramble she cut him off.  
"I hear dead people."

The quiet stung after that, and the tension was palpable after that. Many a time she tried to correct it, saying things like,

"Not that they tell me things, or anything,"  
"I'm not crazy,"  
"They just gossip, really,"  
"I know it's difficult to understand, but,"

And each time she abruptly stopped. Nothing would fix this, and she let the dreadful realization of that sink in. So her fingers went back to untangling locks, biting her lip hard. But Karkat never made a move after that, to say anything, or leave. He just sat there, vanishing. So she made the move instead, and rose up from her resting place, brushing herself off. "I am going back, they're probably worried about us so…" A sentence unfinished and a conversation unmended. No worries, there was the chill that set into her bones regardless, so she rubbed her arms and let her hair flow behind her, the pace of her heels clacking growing until she reached the house.  


Greeted with a couple smiles, she smiled back, scanning the room for a cluster of a few of her friends. They weren't difficult to find, to be honest, Sollux's figure always lurked in the background, so she took hold of his elbow. Gracious enough, he didn't ask questions, though Aradia knew it was because it didn't concern him where she'd been. To shake off the terrible feeling in her stomach, and latched onto her scalp, she decided to see how Tavros was faring, and they got into a nice conversation about the upgrades they would get on their characters when the new FLARP expansion pack came out. When he reeled a little she sat him down in a recliner, and Aradia had an inkling he'd fall asleep relatively soon. Not long before the house had decided to play hide and seek, or some drunken form of it, and Aradia was upstairs sneaking behind Sollux before slipping into a small bedroom. Surprisingly, she was alone, and searched for a little place to hide. She wasn't alone for long. The door shut behind her, and she turned to see scarlet catching her gaze. Karkat seemed almost frightened.

"I get scared too," tumbled out suddenly. "And sometimes I think I want to die, but it's actually that I don't want to live. I think-- no, I know that I'm just a big waste of space that really has no purpose here, and would be more use dead in a ditch somewhere than fucking it up for other people who are actually going to do useful things with their lives." The train started, and it seemed there would be no stopping it. "I think about death and how people would react and how people would remember my shitty attempts to be an obnoxious douchebag, or if they'd write articles about me talking about how troubled I was, but I'm actually really scared of just never loving anyone, never being lov--"  


"Karkat." She set aside her heels by the dresser, too clunky for hiding, and walked to him. Vantas seemed so much like a little boy at the moment, scared and sad, and now was when his abrupt and animated gestures ceased. He was now taller than her, not by much, but he was, yet she still made the effort to push the bangs from his eyes, calmly soaking in their beautiful color. "Karkat," she repeated, as if testing the name on her tongue. His breath seemed to hitch.  
"But your voices would never scare me away," he whispered, hesitant to give his words sound. Seconds ticked by, one after another, as understanding passed through them, in a wonderful exchange. They studied each other's gazes carefully, before he finally found the courage to feebly breathe a simple "you're beautiful."

It all happened so fast from there, in a flurry of truth and confusion, hands and tongues. She didn't unlock the secret of his smile, she tasted it. She tasted all of his secrets and she bid them to stay close to her heart. Her red lipstick smeared across his lips in an exhale, and his hands lifted her shirt away while hers unbuttoned his pants. Aradia still laughed at the sweater as it found its way to the floor, but Karkat didn't ask, his lips too busy finding their way to her collarbone. It was a sweet night, with streaks of red be it the rubies in his skull, the stains she left in the shape of lips, or the lines of passion their nails dug on one another. They licked each other like flames, and after his kisses began to travel down her stomach, Aradia let go of trying to understand what was happening, and let it run its course.

Waking from that was perhaps one of the more beautiful aches Aradia'd ever felt, and she felt it everywhere, even in her chest, rooted in her heart. But the wise one knew to kill feelings before they spread, because feelings were like weeds. She couldn't be bothered with it now, laying a kiss on his jaw while he roused, and slipping out to collect her clothes. The girl stretched in the sunlight filtering through the window, and caught Karkat looking over her. He looked away quick as he had looked on, letting her collect her apparel.  
"There's no need for modesty," she told him with a smile that softened her words. "It's not like we didn't just--" That's when she paused. The alcohol was long worn off, and now shame and regret filled it's gap. She tried to meet his eyes but he refused to look up, face redder with each passing moment she watched him. "Oh god we just…"  
He nodded at the ground, before reaching for his boxers. "Yeah."  


Pulling her skirt back on, Aradia could only burst out laughing, chimes reflecting on the the idiocy of the night. "Lucky my voices didn't interfere." No matter how much she laughed, however, her face still paled with embarrassment that made her quiver. Karkat didn't seem to think it was too funny, but he still made his way over to her, a gentle touch clasping the back of her bra together. She stilled like water and the smile dropped, so he moved away, so different, so foreign. He wanted to wrap his arms around her waist and kiss her shoulder, but he did nothing of the sort.

As they left the room, they crept downstairs through the wreckage, finding the front door, and their way to the sun. She wiped what was left of her lipstick on the back of her hand and scanned the street for the car she'd arrived in. Tough luck, due to the fact Aradia'd been driven by a certain Captor, who was long gone. Karkat rubbed his arm, tense next to her after the recent events. She didn't want it to change their relationship, she meant to say, but refrained because, well, he was always stiff around her to begin with. Even if this recent turn of events may have included a new kind of stiffness.  


"I can call us a cab," Karkat offered, but as expected she shook it off.  
"I think I'll just walk, thank you for the offer, though."  
"I'm not letting you walk through the fucking rain, there's no way."  
"I didn't bring any money," she countered, "and it's a beautiful kind of rain. Sunny and sweet."  
Stubborn as he was, crossed his arms and burrowed his eyebrows. Suddenly his eyes glittered, and he turned to run back inside the house. He returned with a jacket and umbrella in hand, in his attempt to be chivalrous. The jacket went around her shoulders and he opened the umbrella for both of them.  
When she smiled, he smiled back, just slightly.

And they walked together in rain that felt like kisses.

It was from here a wonderful friendship spawned, when he could even tolerate a online chat with her over five minutes, but his preference was to hear her voice, or to see her face. And she wasn't quite sure why, but she didn't mind all that much. He asked her to sing to him sometimes, or others read him little childish stories. She loved being able to catch the little times when he looked happy, and they were far and few in-between. Eventually they grew even closer, sharing movie marathons and story readings, and when he could handle it he inquired what the voices said. But the closer they got, a certain fear grew in him, a feeling that brought dread and gloom to him consistently. One day she would be hearing his voice whispering hateful things in her head.

But when they began to live in an apartment together, sharing a bathroom as well as secrets, something else began to grow. Something terrifying that he willed. A little seedling of love. Aradia had one too, but so firmly rooted that to stamp it out she'd have to tear out her whole heart. There was no danger in it for now. For now.

Many repeats happened of that night, though different variations, and each of them were less shameful than the one before. Sometimes on the dining room table, or the kitchen, or on the couch, and even against the wall. But each few moments of lovemaking were different, and each full of urgency and emotions that watered the trees until they grew into great oaks. And one morning, after she'd woken him with a surprise, he finally kissed her shoulder, and held her gently in his arms until the sun was high in the sky.

It ended in red, just like they began, just like they were. 

A ginger November morning, they were on the sixth floor when it happened, in their quaint apartment where so much love had prospered. She lurched on her tip toes, and laid a kiss on his cheek, while he turned to leave. And then an explosion, shaking them to their feet, with screams piercing the air. She hit the desk with her temple, but scrambled to him. She'd protect him, she would, just like she vowed to herself. He wouldn't be scared. But he was, she knew the look in his eyes, and feverishly wiped the tears away. He tried to hold her, but she wouldn't let him, and pulled him into her chest.  
The explosion had caused panic and fear amongst the people, and she could hear them screeching like there was no tomorrow. And maybe there wasn't. Maybe it was the end of the world like she'd been waiting for. Aradia pulled him to his feet, gripping his hand like she had the night of the party, but held on to it like it was the only thing she loved.  


With haste her feet pushed towards the stairs, and they raced down them, stumbling. There was no need for words between them, for the burning inside her spoke enough for them to understand, and he'd learned enough to read her determination. She was so scared, but not for herself. The voices jeered, some encouraging her to escape, others bidding her towards death. She ignored all. Karkat was all that mattered. The only thing that ever mattered.  
As they reached the fourth floor, the flames struck at her, catching her arm before she could pull away. She had kept Karkat from it, but the pain surged through her, like a propeller. The explosion had blown out a portion of the building's foundation, and they could all feel the leaning. There was crying down below, and a chunk had fallen away, into the street and whoever was unlucky enough to have been in that spot. As she stepped nearer another slid down to the street, and Karkat's arms jerked her back before she slid with it.  


They tumbled to the floor, and she cried out in pain, even though it was Karkat who slammed against the wall. Again they began to scramble, and she spotted it. The smoke was choking, and her eyes burned like fire but she said nothing, only crawling on her belly towards what looked like an escape. A space of stairs wide enough to push through, that had angled down towards the street from the collapsing of the building.  


Clambering to her feet, she pulled Karkat up, who was gagging on the smoke. She screamed over the commotion and the crackling of flames, and yelled at him to go through, to make it out. He didn't understand much but they were both in tears, both bleeding and both terrified. The entrance to the was stuck, blocked by debri so she kicked it, again, and again, until she could open it barely enough for him to go through. He refused, pushing her to go ahead of him.  


"I'll go right behind you," she promised, words almost drowned out. "I love you," she said to him, regretful that the smoke was so blanketing. She could barely see his face, his beautiful face. But she still took it in her hands and kissed the tears away, before kissing his forehead. He, in turn, held Aradia's head as well, blood seeping through his fingers from her temple. "I love you, be good!" She urged it cheerfully, but no joy came to him.  
It seemed too much like goodbye, so he kissed her lips and sobbed, before she forced him down. He reached out his hand as an invitation to survival, and she refused it. The last glimpse he caught was the floor above them falling over her head, and then, nothing.

Only blackness.

"He must've passed out," and "Paramedics!" and "Check his pulse," were little snippets Karkat caught as he gasped back air he'd lost. His leg screamed in pain from the fall, likely broken, but he paid no heed to it. There was something more important than that. His eyes locked on the entrance, ready to look for stairs to climb, but hands caught his arm. Wrenching free, the building began to collapse again. All sound around him began to fall away, only silence in his head when fear erased all thoughts. There was the unmistakable glimpse of a girl, of a body.

No, not a body, not yet. It couldn't be.

His broken ankles made him wobble when he ran, but they were only a hinderance. He could feel himself screaming, but he heard nothing. He could see his hands burning as he pushed alway the charred pieces of wall, still not fully cooled. Her face was kissed by fire, half of her had been consumed by it, but he still clumsily pushed the hair out of her eyes, even if some of her forehead came with it. She was so warm, but not the warmth he needed. Karkat pulled her into his chest, rocking back and forth, willing her to wake up. When she didn't seem to rouse, he began a lullaby, a sad and convoluted lullaby, yet it came forth. He felt so eerie, like her eyes were still on him like they always had been, but her eyes wouldn't open now, no matter how many times he'd kissed them.  


"Please wake up," he begged. "I love your scars, I love your face, I just want to hear you laugh again," he told her over and over. "I love you, I love you."

I loved you.

It was the next morning when he woke again. In a hospital bed with bandages holding him all together, but there was no bandages for what hurt the most. It was bliss in the first few moments, but when the memories came back, he only stared at the wall vacantly. The medicine was only melancholy, and it would be anger soon enough. His friends came to visit, one by one and in clusters sometimes, until all of them were there. Their words were pointless. The only things Karkat heard from them were false apologies, revolting attempts at relating to his pain, and they had made him feel as if the most important thing that should be on his mind at the moment were how to tell her father.  


He didn't give a fucking shit about Droog. Why did it matter? No one understood the gap in his chest, collapsing in on itself. He cared only about her smile, her laugh. He thought of the videos they had, but pushed it away with the conviction she would wake in the room next to him. He didn't need recordings of her lips when he would have them in the flesh. When he'd finally said something to them, it was yelling mostly, for them to leave. It left him coughing and hacking and crying away, wracked with sobs that weren't healthy for him in the current state. Everyone did leave, except for the boy who'd introduced the two of them to begin with. Sollux sat next to him with a patience foreign.  


"I thought I told you to leave."  
"You did." More silence after that, Karkat hoping that by ignoring him he would go away, but he didn't and each moment caused more and more agitation.  
"I said, I want you to fucking--"  
"They want you to give permission to cremate her."

A chill passed between them.

"She doesn't deserve to be put in a jar." Karkat spat venom.  
"She's all burned up, the doctors say--"  
"She's still fucking beautiful, you fuck, fuck, I can't believe, this." The venom died as quickly as it had come before tears began to roll down his cheeks. She would've wiped them away, but Sollux only stared at the ground. "She was your friend, too." Sollux nodded, though with almost words behind it he dared not speak. With a shuffle, he left the bedside and went out the door, leaving Vantas to his grief.

Karkat had given her the most beautiful urn he could choose, scarlet with gold trims and flecks all throughout it. Her name was elegantly spun across the red, though he didn't need it to be titled. He knew who she was. The few months after that were lonely, and he stayed with his father. The fact the apartment was in ruins almost gladdened him, for he knew he'd never be able to stay there. Hell, he was barely productive here. The house was mainly to himself, but he didn't do much anyway. Sometimes he sat down to talk with her, and he'd cry, and others he'd just lay in his bed with his sadness, and occasionally he sent a plate across the room to shatter with his anger. Nothing made him feel better, but he had to live. For her.  


"I didn't want to put you six feet under," he explained one night during the dinner he was picking at. "Mainly because I'm scared of it." Selfish, he knew. "I couldn't bear the thought of worms and bugs crawling through you." Teeth grit, anger spiked again. "Crawling over you and through your eye sockets and eating at your fingers and your beautiful body I couldn't have that!"  


So before he broke the plate again, he got up and stormed to his bed, to sleep again. Hoping he could sleep forever, but he always seemed to wake up. "I wonder if you would've preferred to be in the dirt. I know you loved playing in that shit. I loved how you never cared when your shirt got dirty, or you smelled funny when you came home, and I loved how you laughed it all off with just the kind of person you were… I, I guess," he sighed, urn in his sights as he settled down to sleep. "I loved you, is what I mean to say." Sleep came dreamless and sad, like it did.

In early April, on her birthday he was in Rome, a trip Droog had happily financed. He thought he loved Droog too, for at the dinner after her death they hadn't said much, but they both understood, and he loved Droog for that. And just like her father had told him, he walked with her through the city, her under his arm. Sure, Karkat got some stares but he welcomed them gladly. She would smile back so brightly, he thought. Droog had recounted to Karkat their visit to Rome when Aradia'd been a small girl, and how much she loved it. The excavations happening all about, the history in the place, just the smell of people and people past, she loved it all so much. Life and death hand and hand, just how it was supposed to be. Later at night, when the moon shone, Karkat climbed his way up, on a rocky hill where no one was present. It was overrun with beautiful blooming flowers, and vines crept every which way, laughing at and with him. So he lifted the top of the urn, and tilting it downwards towards the vast field below him, he waited. There was green there, wide and luscious and full of life. The wind ran through it, and at his back, so he began to laugh, letting her fly through the air, with a grace she always had.  


After that ordeal, he sat down, his legs over the side of the ledge. He sat and he cried for a long time there. He built a little monument of rocks for her, placing the urn in the center. He covered it in flowers and he kissed her name, and he finally bid her farewell.

Unseen by him, a girl clad in white hovered behind him, locks gently swaying behind her. A smile unfurled on her dead lips, and she kissed his cheek in the moonlight.

"See you soon," she whispered. The softest of chills danced on his spine. "I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for putting up with my awful writing guys u vu i love y'all sighs thanks


End file.
